Click here for the animated Xmas special, Three Little Santas
(it's only 3.5mb, but may take a wee bit to download - promise it's worth the wait!)
This little animation is hilarious, enjoy!
And - M-E-R-R-Y
Xmas!!!
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Some more holiday cheer (2007)
Click here for the animated Xmas special, Three Little Santas
(it's only 3.5mb, but may take a wee bit to download - promise it's worth the wait!)
This little animation is hilarious, enjoy!
And - M-E-R-R-Y
Xmas!!!
Friday, December 14, 2012
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Remember Y2K??? Read on for the Etch-A-Sketch solution to all of your problems... well, almost... (1998)
Many corporations have defined a lower cost alternative for NT conversions
that also addresses the Y2K (Year 2000) issue.
The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by August, 1999.
Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch.
there are many sound reasons for doing this:
1. No Y2K problems
2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done.
3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails.
Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the
screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.
that also addresses the Y2K (Year 2000) issue.
The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by August, 1999.
Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch.
there are many sound reasons for doing this:
1. No Y2K problems
2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done.
3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails.
Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the
screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.
The Day Microsoft Makes Something That Doesn't... (1998)
"The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is probably the
day they start making vacuum cleaners"
Ernst Jan Plugge
day they start making vacuum cleaners"
Ernst Jan Plugge
Saturday, December 1, 2012
The Super Efficient Microsoft Enabled Vehicle... (1998)
> Subject: FW: $25 car
>
> At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
> computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM kept up with
> technology like the computer industry has, we would be driving $25 cars
> that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
>
> In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
> stating: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
> driving cars with the following characteristics:
>
> 1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
>
> 2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to
> buy a new car.
>
> 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and
> you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
>
> 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause
> your car to shut down and refuse to start, in which case you would have
> to reinstall the engine.
>
> 5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought
> "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.
>
> 6. Apple would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five
> times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on 5% of
> the roads.
>
> 7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be
> replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
>
> 8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
>
> 9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before deploying.
>
> 10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out
> and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door
> handle, turn the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
>
> 11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of
> Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither
> need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would
> immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more.
> Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice
> Department.
>
> 12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to
> learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would
> operate in the same manner as the old car.
>
> 13. You'd press the "Start" button to shut off the engine.
>
> At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
> computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM kept up with
> technology like the computer industry has, we would be driving $25 cars
> that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
>
> In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
> stating: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
> driving cars with the following characteristics:
>
> 1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
>
> 2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to
> buy a new car.
>
> 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and
> you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
>
> 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause
> your car to shut down and refuse to start, in which case you would have
> to reinstall the engine.
>
> 5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought
> "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.
>
> 6. Apple would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five
> times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on 5% of
> the roads.
>
> 7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be
> replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
>
> 8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
>
> 9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before deploying.
>
> 10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out
> and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door
> handle, turn the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
>
> 11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of
> Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither
> need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would
> immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more.
> Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice
> Department.
>
> 12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to
> learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would
> operate in the same manner as the old car.
>
> 13. You'd press the "Start" button to shut off the engine.
Money changes everything... (1998)
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a damn checking account."
To which the astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account right now!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank."
So saying, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her situation. They both return and the manager asks the old geezer, "What seems to be the problem here?"
"There's no f***ing problem, dammit!" the man says, "I just won $50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damned bank!"
"I see," says the manager, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"
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