If you're 50+ (originally...40+) (1998)

(times they are a'changin'...originally published in 1998 for the then 40-plusers, had to adjust to 50+ to stay timely - gladly ain't there yet, but it ain't a long time a'comin...enjoy...)

If you're 50+...

We were born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods,
xerox, contact lenses, frisbees and the PILL.

We were born before radar, credit cards, split atoms, lazer beams, and
ball- point pens. Before pantyhose, dishwashers, clothes dryers,
electric blankets, air conditioners, drip-dry clothes--and before man
walked on the moon. We got married first--and then lived together. How
quaint can you be?

In our time, closets were for clothes, not for "coming out of".
Bunnies were small rabbits and rabbits were not Volkswagens. Designer
jeans were scheming girls named Jean or Jeanne; and having a
meaningful relationship meant getting along with our cousins. We
thought fast food was what you ate during Lent; and Outer Space was
the back of the Riviera Theatre. We were before house-husbands, gay
rights, computer dating, dual careers, and computer marriages. We were
before day-care centers, group therapy and nursing homes. We never
heard of FM radio,tape decks, electric typewriters, artificial hearts,
wordprocessors, yogurt, and guys wearing earrings. For us, time
sharing meant togetherness-- not computers or condominiums; a "chip"
meant a piece of wood; hardware meant hardware, and software wasn't
even a word!

In 1940, "Made in Japan" meant JUNK and the term "making out" referred
to how you did on your exam. Pizzas, "MacDonald's" and instant coffee
were unheard of. We hit the scene when there were 5 cent and 10 cent
stores where you bought things for five and ten cents. You could buy
ice cream cones for a nickel or a dime. For one nickel you could ride
a street car, make a phone call, buy a Pepsi, or enough stamps to mail
one letter and two postcards. You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for
$600.... but who could afford one? A pity, too, because gas was 11
cents a gallon.

In our day, cigarette smoking was fashionable.
GRASS was mowed.
COKE was a cold drink.
POT was something you cooked in.
ROCK MUSIC was a grandmother's lullaby and
AIDS were helpers in the Principal's office.

We were certainly not before the difference between the sexes was
discovered, but we were surely before the sex change; we made do with
what we had. And we were the last generation that was so dumb as to
think you needed a husband to have a baby.